Adulthood Sucks

Before my title gets me in too deep: not everything about adulthood sucks. I could give a very long, beautifullly annotated list of reasons why being an adult is 100x better than being a kid, but for all intents and purposes: right now, adulthood sucks.

The first and possibly most frustrating to me is that I don't feel like an adult. I don't look like one, I don't talk like one very well... In fact, I'm pretty sure that feeling you got in Junior High where nothing seemed to 'fit right' still hasn't worn off for me. Sure, we all feel a little awkward sometimes--I realize this--but we're talking, I'm so bloody shy in person I can barely carry a conversation, and I'm so retarded in voice chat that, as an example: tonight one of my guildies meant to refer to one of his buds as a 'douchebag', but instead it came off sounding like he called me a douchebag, and the best comeback I could come up with is "Yeah, well, I don't really care, because if I ever saw you in person I could just.. you know.. slap you across the face!"

What am I, freaking five years old? Actually--I'm pretty sure five-year-old me could've come up with something better than that. So. Freaking. Retarded. I'm pretty sure I need to buy a dictionary of petty jabs, or at least take sarcasm lessons from an emo kid, because even, "Yeah, well, your face is a douchebag." would've been better than that.

Actually... That would've been hilarious. Why didn't I think of that?! ARGH!

So anyways, yeah--my verbal shortcomings aside, I'm easily as clumsy on my feet, and tripping over them every five seconds doesn't exactly make the person at the liquor store believe my ID isn't a fake.

I guess that's one big reason why I've always loved writing+the internet so much. I've been roleplaying, writing, talking to random people on the internet since I was 11 years old, and generally people always guessed my age high because--in text--I'm able to communicate myself so much better. It's not even that I can take the time to think before I write, it's that my brain-to-mouth motor functions are useless and seeing people's faces mages me all nervous and crap.

If you still don't believe I'm a coward... *headshake*

Why else does adulthood suck? Well, I'm pretty sure the responsibilties suck more. These days I don't have many, but the one thing that's riding my grill is the fact I need to apply to immigrate to Canada, and the whole process confuses and frustrates the crap outta me. The whole fact that I'm married now is still sinking in, and part of me is just realizing now that by becoming a Canadian resident, things really are permanent between him and I. So not only am I mentally fracked, I'm emotionally fracked about it.

Another reason (though this isn't inherently about adulthood, more about being in a relationship for so long): husbands really suck at romantic crap compared to teenagers.

When I was in high school, my boyfriends rocked. They whittled me stuff out of wood, made me CDs of meaningful songs, gave me their sweater, exchanged gifts that--as cheap as they were--actually had meaning... Whereas I somehow managed to marry the one guy I've been with that's about as romantic as a fucking anglerfish. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but... *@*^%@*(%^!!! Seriously!!! I used to make extremely personal gifts, write songs and poetry, make jackets with patches and crap for my ex's... And I can't do that for my husband, because he's so freaking boring that I can't (*^@%*@^% because he's @&$&@%.

... Okay, sorry. Done ranting.

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Okay... That was kind of pointless, but I'm having trouble sleeping, and I thought it'd help if I just got all this off my mind.

Here's some possibly more interesting things to mention:

I changed the blog theme again because I'm going to be turning this into sort of a 'Work in Progress' blog for art and writing and I needed to find one that was clean enough and the right setup to do some of the artwork I want to mesh in nicely. I could've done it with the other one, but I like this one a little bit better, and I have to change less of the colors around. (Yes, I know they're almost identical. Shut up!)

I also totally reorganized my desk space because it was so cluttered and it annoyed the heck out of me, so I fixed it up and here's what it looks like now:

Where all the magic happens! Yeeaaa--aaahh!

In contrast, this is what my husband's computer space looks like:

Yes: my husband is a coke addict.

Don't tell him I showed you.


So anyways... I'm having a pretty rough night and since I can't get my husband to spare 2 minutes to hug me while I cry, I'll come do it here, where I don't have any expectations to be absolutely shattered.

Because, yep, in the end, the biggest suck of adulthood really is:

Realizing how everyone will always let you down in the end.

<./emo>

PS: I really do have a post for D.S. in the works,  and I feel bad it's taking so long--not even because people are waiting, but because I really WANT to write it--but I actually have had absolutely no time at all to myself today to work on it. So fracking frustrating.