10 Day Meme: Day Ten
>> Friday, March 18, 2011
This 'Ten Day Meme' has taken something more like... 60 days... But admittedly, most of that has just been because I've forgotten.
Except for this one.
Day Ten
One confession.
To be honest, there's a lot I could confess. While I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot of the time, I still keep a lot of secrets--some I've never even told anyone. So, when debating what options I had to share, some seemed too miniscule, while others were just too great to share in the happenstance that someone I know--such as my family--running into this blog and discovering it.
That being said, there is one thing that I haven't told many people, but I'm not too ashamed of to admit, and probably wouldn't be the end of the world if my family found out. And that is, of course, that I'm bisexual.
Granted--these days, that's not as much of a big deal. I'm part of the "Whatever" generation: 21 years old, and everyone I know that's about my age is pretty okay with LGBTs--especially when they're female. It's more taboo for guys to be gay (which doesn't make sense to me), but still, it's not something I'd profess openly to everyone I know. Especially not my Bible-thumping family.
In any case, yeah. So, I like girls. In fact, I find women so much more attractive than men that I really find it hard to look at a guy and think, "Yeah, he's cute, I guess." I have to force myself to see what's appealing about them. I just don't find men physically attractive, really... Unless they look a particular way. There are some guys I find appealing.
Like, you know, my husband. ;)
There's the clincher, though: what attracts me to men is personality, not looks. The main reason I've never dated a girl (aside from never wanting my parents to find out) is the fact that finding a girl that's into girls in small-town Northwest America, that I could actually get along with long-term, just wasn't going to happen. Still, I admit that if there is one thing I regret about getting married so early in my life it's that I never got to experience half of who I am. The part that still has an absolutely gigantic crush on someone I used to go to school with, that's a brilliant, sexy, and amazing girl.
I guess that's part of the reason I incorporated Naomi/Amelia into Desperate Sims. Naomi's definitely a lesbian, but Amelia... Amelia isn't too sure about all of it. She's definitely bi, but she's always leaned towards guys because they're "safer", in her eyes. Which is how I always felt, until recently in my life.
And honestly, while I know that a lot of the Simming community feels more comfortable with very orderly legacy families with a boy, girl, and babies, it's incredibly important to me to express my beliefs and create characters that have something fundamentally in common with me--and I wanted the gay part of me to have somewhere to live in my story.
Which leads me to a tangent: How come there are so few lesbians in Sim stories I've read? I always seem to find a plethora of gay men stories, but none about lesbians? What is this fascination straight girls have with two guys getting it on?! Is it like... how straight guys like watching lesbians? Hm. I guess I just don't get it because I don't find guys that... enticing, sexually. Just makes me *shrug*. It's really strange, to me.
Anyways--I'm glad I took the plunge and introduced Naomi as a lesbian. (However, that has very little to do with why she's my favorite character, if you're curious.) It's too often I find stories about just straight people or just gay people, and I think it's about time that the world start recognizing that the two can coexist just fine.
Anyways, this went from a confession to a monologue, but it feels good to ramble, especially about something I feel passionately about. Still, there's something I should clear up very quickly before I wrap it up:
This was the happiest moment of my life. I love my husband more than I could possibly ever explain. I may have dreams about Samantha Carter every night (lesigh, <3!), but that guy above is the guy I want to wake up next to when I'm 60 and can't cover up my grays fast enough. And hopefully, he'll be the last guy--or girl--I'll ever feel that way about for the rest of my life.
And no girl, or guy--no matter how smart, sassy, educated, beautiful, or rich they may be--will ever make me feel differently about how I love my man.
25 comments:
D'awwww, I loved this! You go girl! Yay!
Great wedding pic. And I'm glad you married someone you want to wake up to for the rest of your life.
Ok, while I won't try to say I thought about bi specifically, I will say it's not a big shock given one of your turn ons the other week. I can appreciate when some other woman is pretty/gorgeous but nothing about it is a turn-on.
Hmm, guilty about having no lesbians really in Sims stories. They are around in the neighborhoods, but my stories tend to centre around male Sims which means that occasionally gay Sims pop into stories but not lesbians. And bi is very very hard because of the way the game does gender preferences. If they aren't romantic regularly with both, the preferences change.
Naomi is one incredibly strong character. She put up with a lot just to stay near the girl of her dreams. I am hoping that she's the one who gets to be another permanent part of the Kane family.
Ambbeeerrrr!! *squeeze* Thank you. <3 It's been brewing in my head for a long, long time, but I think I was more subconciously attracted to girls than I realized, until recently. But, the past couple of years have been a really eye-opening experience in this regard, particularly in helping me recognize why I still own half of a necklace a girl gave me in my school days and why I am WAY, way more shy around girls than I am around guys.
*HUG!*
PiB - I did make some allusions to it, yeah--I was curious if anyone picked up on them. I haven't really been out to make it a big secret, but I still will probably never tell anyone I know IRL. My husband knows, but, that's 'cause he knows everything about me. ;)
I wouldn't say that you're guilty of having no lesbians in your game because you've mentioned them before, but you still focus more on gay male couples in your stories. I honestly don't care whether people include gays in their story or not--I only care that I write what I feel in my own--but it just baffles me why when gays do appear in other's stories, they're always men.
I'm not encouraging you to feature lesbians or anything, I'm just curious why it's a draw to write about male gays specifically, and yet not females.
Naomi's a kick-ass gal. Honestly, she's pretty damn near close to the kind of girl I'm attracted to. Short blonde hair, feminine but not girly, strong-willed, intelligent, ambitious, mature. However, I can't say whether she'll end up a permanent fixture of the Kanes, just yet. Amelia's insanely indecisive and emotional... Tying her down would be like trying to tie down a hurricane; but... She may change. :)
In my defense, I'd like to point to Jack's romance challenge where at one point, I had everyone hitting on everyone else. You could find girls chatting up girls, guys chatting up guys and girls chatting up the guys. Oh, and your Tatianna actually hitting people - cause that's the kind of gal she is.
[lesigh] but if I ever try that again, I'm going to push gender preferences via Twallan up to 100 100 just so they'll keep it up on their own. It didn't take long for Jack to be the only bi left.
Hahaha, that's true. :) Actually, that reminds me of something rather amusing--Tatianna STILL does not have any romantic interests/partners. Sinbad was her one and only love I guess. ;D
It can be difficult to keep Sims sexual preferences going both ways, since the more they do one the more the opposing figure drops. Mia was the only Sim I've had who managed to pull it off, but she also had a really crazy glitch on her that made every townie in TB fall in love with her. THAT was irritating.
Still--that's part of why I'm a control freak now with my game instead of letting Story Progression run everything. I MUST HAVE IT ZEE WAY I WANT IT! MWAAHAHAHA!
Hmmm... you know, as a straight gal myself, I really am guilty of the no-gay-couples phenomenon, and I never thought about it until this post!
My town is not exactly gay-friendly (fellow small town Northwest American here!), and as it's kind of a redneck right-wing place, you just don't really talk about being gay or bi. Growing up, I knew next to NO gay people, male or female, so it wasn't until later in my college years that I actually had any kind of experience with the LGBT community.
Personally, I'm now a strong advocate of LGBT rights, as one of the friends I made in college is gay and has been subjected to a lot of crap. It's incredibly sad that you don't feel comfortable telling your family, but I definitely can understand it. My family judges me just for supporting gay people- I can't imagine how they'd react if I actually were gay!
I'm also kind of sad that I didn't even think about giving my Sims some kind of a LGBT community until reading this! I just tend to not think about things like sexual preference because it's never been important to me whether someone's gay, straight, or asexual. But I'm definitely going to go mess with some of the townies' preferences and have some lesbian storylines!
Honestly, that's totally fine. Just like how I grew up in cold-ass Alaska where there was very few people of dark skin, I also just don't think to put sims of "African" descent in my game. It has nothing to do with that fact that I'm rascist, because that's the LAST thing I am--I just don't think about it. Not until I start scanning online and realize that--Crap! There's no black people in my game!
In the same way, I don't expect there to be gay or bi sims in anyone else's stories or games, nor do I even really care. People play with what they know, usually. It just bothers me that there seems to be a "fad" with straight girls to create gay guy characters that are really poor representations of what should just be normal people like everyone else. But that's not Sims exclusive--that stems all the way back to text based RPGs I used to play where women used to RP these flaming homosexual men with no regard to how foolish they were making themselves look. Can't say I understand the obsessive fascination some gals have with it, either. Like, with yaoi or whatever it's called. But... Whatever floats their boat I guess! XD
Blah blah blah, I talk too much! ^^ In any case, I would love to tell my family, but I was threatened to be disowned just by living with my husband before we were married. My father's a Christian preacher. It wouldn't go over well. My sisters--they might get it. But alas, I think that'd be the extent of who I'd tell if I told anyone.
Anyways, thank you for the support. <3 And yet, I still have to consider myself incredibly lucky. The only real, noticable difference between me and any other gal in my position is that I check out other girls with my husband. It's those who don't live in the realm of 'socially acceptable' that I truly feel for. And I'm glad your gay friend has someone like you there for them. :)
Dude, I'm with you re: the yaoi stuff. I have never understood the fascination with that.
I tend to have people from various ethnicities in my game, but EA limits so much sometimes. Like tonight, I was trying to make a Sim patterned after my friend, who's of Japanese descent, and the premade Asian Sims are just... crap, and it's hard to make one from scratch.
I am definitely planning on expanding my Sims' love lives, though, just because I think it'd be both more fun and more realistic. Sadly, the default for pretty much EVERYONE in EA-land is straight. I've seen maybe one gay couple, and that was Fiona McIrish and her roommate back in Sunset Valley. I'm actually not even sure how to edit preference, so it'll be fun to learn.
Yeah... cuz if there's one type of guy that I'm *definitely* not attracted to, it's an effeminate, anime-style gay man. In my brain, it does not compute!
The only ethnic people I have in my game are the ones that came with Twinbrook, which makes me feel a bit bad--but I want to change that as time goes on. I did add a Chinese family to my hood recently. I hear ya, though--EA did a miserable job incorporating them into the game. They just look like dark skinned white people. But... knowing EA at this point, can't say I'm surprised.
In Story Progression, there's an option to change the percent chance a Sim becomes gay or not; you can also change their gender preferences using Master Controller, or just by having them flirt repeatedly with the same sex. Even EA's story progression does that; waaay, way back one of the teen girls in my house kissed another girl just once, and that girl ended up growing up to be a lesbian. It doesn't take much. ;D
I second Amelia's first comment. ;)
And...
I'm glad to see that your being honest with yourself. Because that's who's important, you, and how you feel about yourself.
Gay or straight, I've discovered that you are a wonderful person and I'm so glad to have met you. *hugs* :)
I find it quite sad that there are still some people today that are not accepting of gay's. I mean hello we are in the 21st century for god's sake! But then there is that. Religion. They teach otherwise about this subject.
To be honest I think the majority of girls in their teens or young adult life have had some sort of gay experience. Whether it was a kiss or whatever, it's definitely nothing to be ashamed of. ;)
And damn, I'm guilty too of not having any in my story. Although I did have Fabio in Part 2. LOL! Though that didn't eventuate to anything. Actually that was a very sad gay male stereotype on my behalf. Yikes! Bad Jen. lol
I love that have put Naomi in as gay. I honestly could not see her as anything else. I've really enjoyed her in DS. Her and Amelia are the perfect match, even if they aren't romantically involved, yet. ;)
You and your hubby look gorgeous at the alter. That is a very sweet pic. I really love your hair too. Is it still that long? And the color, wow. Just gorgeous.
Awww, Jen. :( *squeeziehug!* Your words warm my heart. Thank you, truly.
I have to agree that I do think a lot of girls go through an experience of some sort with another girl, even if it's something un-physical. And I definitely truly believe that there is nothing to be ashamed about, sexually. If someone's straight, gay, transexual, polyamorous, whatever. Everyone should be entitled to the same respect and love as everyone else. It baffles me that they usually aren't.
Hahaha!! You guys need to stop calling yourselves guilty! And actually, I really liked Fabio! He was a tad stereotypical, perhaps, but not in a bad way. In fact, he is very reminiscent of a particular story over on TSS written by a wonderful man about his simself and his male lover. And I adore the kittens outta that boy.
I'll admit, I was really worried about making Naomi gay at first, because I wasn't sure how it would be recieved, especially on TSS. And then I realized that one of the most well-loved stories written over there is about a gay couple. I'm glad I did it, because I agree--I don't see her any other way.
Thank you so much, about the picture. :) My hair's not still that long anymore, no; it's very very thick so I have a hard time managing it... But I am working on growing it out again! It's about this long atm: http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2693/103/18/651332326/n651332326_2267749_7844443.jpg
Awww it still looks so lovely! :) My hair is really thick too so I go through stages of growing it and then cutting it at shoulder length. Blow drying can be a biatch! lol
While we're doing show us ya picture, here's me! lol http://i51.tinypic.com/i1msuq.jpg
Oh and that's not my baby, lol! It's my little niece Kira.
I am really, really terrible with hair... Like, that image was one time right after I'd gotten it cut. It's never ever that silky and straight usually. These days I mostly just keep it up in a bun to keep it outta my face, lol. XD I'm so lazy.
Awwwww, such a cute picture! You's very pretty, my dear. :D (With pretty hair, grr! Gimmeh!) And an adorable niece. I'm a little jealous, my niece is a month old and I haven't gotten to snuggle her yet. Soon, hopefully. :)
I agree re: Naomi- I really loved the plot twist with her being in love with Amelia after all those years and I can't really see her being any way else.
Religion does throw a monkey wrench in things, doesn't it? Which is totally ridiculous as it focuses on following the ideals of someone who probably wouldn't bat an eye if you were gay or bi. (I have a whole anti-argument for this thanks to years of arguments with my very religious mother, most of which involves me pointing out how many things are supposedly "taboo" in the Bible but we do anyways, like wearing poly-cotton blends.)
But religion doesn't really factor into the Sims, as you're the Creator ;) So you set the rules!
Sadly I have never had a girl experience (painfully, painfully straight here), but I do agree that it is much more common than not.
*blushes* Your so sweet, thanks Kaleeko. :)
I absolutely love my niece and nephew to bits. They are such cute and well behaved kids. That pic was taken last Xmas so Kira is more of a toddler now. My nephew has just started talking and he copies everything you say, it's so funny. But you do have to watch your mouth sometimes. lol
Amelia - Monkey wrench indeed! And I don't think it's sad that you haven't had a girl experience. It's not something that people go out of their way to experience, it's just whatever life decides to throw them. ;)
I meant sad as in not proving your theory, haha.
Religion does throw a monkey wrench in things. :( I have no problems with religion, but religion has problems with "me", so to speak, which I've always found lame. But, that's what happens when people have beliefs that condemn things like walking north on a sidewalk on a Tuesday afternoon. >.>
Still, I do encourage my Sims to worship me. I AM YOUR MASTER! Mwaaahahah!! They curse the Plumbbob because they know, "Crap, something bad's about to happen to me." Heeee. ^^
Aww, Jenn--very cool. Both my sisters were/are due to have babies within 4 months of each other, so they keep bugging my why I'm not pregnant yet... *facepalm* I love babies, but I'm still a wee bit too young for one, yet!
Amelia - LOL! I knew what you meant. ;)
Kaleeko - I love them too. But I agree. And personally it's really not something I'd rush into. Majority of my school friends had babies right after they'd left school. Like, the minute they stepped out the door, lol! I'm not ready to give up any 'me time' yet.
You know, I've thought of this before, and even though I had the privilege of growing up in a very "gay-friendly" (Europe, especially Holland, tends to be a bit more open-minded) environment, I hadn't thought of writing anything lesbian-related (LOL?) before either, well, at least until a little while ago.
Honestly, I'm pretty excited to see just how many of my readers will actually stay put. These kind of topics either bring out the worst or the best in people, and if there's one thing that infuriates me, it's when the narrow-minded come creeping out. I have absolutely zero tolerance for those who choose to live by a tunnel vision, which is probably as close to hypocrisy as you can get, but meh. So yes, I'm gonna thoroughly enjoy pulling my flock through this cheese plane of acceptance, while with all due respect, I've always felt like there's very little to "accept" either way.
You don't have to "accept" someone's heterosexuality, so why should homo- or bisexuality be treated any different?
Why yes, I happen to feel very strongly about this particular subject. ^^"
And I agree with Jennifer; There comes a time when 9 out of 10 girls will have a lesbian experience of some sort. It's only natural, really, or at least to me it is.
If anything, I think this open-minded honesty of yours makes me adore you even more. :)
And on the subject of really, really thick hair.. so very guilty!
Though I actually set my alarm half an hour early so I can tend to it.. yea, I'm one weird cracker that way. ;)
First: *squeeze*
Second: Just to hear that you're considering writing something of that nature honestly warms my heart. "Pulling my flock through this cheese plane of acceptance" is a brilliant way to put it; but, part of me wishes to believe that someone in your position would have quite a bit of influence showing people that it's okay NOT to be prejudiced. Sometimes, all it takes is the example of someone they respect to force people to think, and force people to reconcile with or even change their opinions--I'd like to think we can give people more credit, that they can become better simply by having a guiding light point them in the right direction...
... Unfortunately, I am also an insanely idealistic person.
But, when I was first considering writing Naomi into my story as a lesbian, I did have a bit of an internal struggle over how people would react to such a prominent gay character; I may not have many readers, but in a way that made me all the more paranoid I'd lose what I had by taking that step. Still, it felt MUCH more important to me to be true to myself and what I believe. So, knowing that you're someone who'd also be willing to say, "Screw it, I'm writing what *I* want, not what my readers want," makes me have SUCH immense adoration for you as well.
I wish you luck whatever you decide to do--and if/when you do write something gay/lesbian related, make *100%* sure I see it. I'm always begging for more to read of yours, Kitty, but sacrificing the comfort of my introverted shell to support you would be my, er.. honor. (Oh, how noble of me! ;) )
But, I immensely agree: Gays shouldn't have to be "accepted". In fact, the most *appropriate* reaction to my confession of "I'm Bi!" would be, "So what?" However, the world we live in is a sticky place, and expecting everyone to be as open and "accepting" would be naive of me. The best I can hope for is inspiring people to at least *think*. And, of course, as you said--bring out the best in those around me. :) And I can already see what amazing and wonderful friends I've found here in the Simming world.
Since I gave up making this comment brief a while ago:
Hooray for Club Thick Hair! You're much, much more motivated than I am. My hair goes into a bun every day. -_- Me? Lazy? Noooo... >.>
I admired that you have the courage to be truth to yourself. It is one of the most important thing in life...And Awww ... I love how you described your love for your husband. Wish both of you have a beautiful life and grow old together :)
Thank you so much, MJ. <3 Your words mean a great deal to me. :)
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